Buck Yucks

November 22, 2008: OSU 42 - U.of.M 7
CLICK HERE TO SEND FEEDBACK OR SUBMIT A JOKE

can be slow loading
Welcome to^۸Buck Yucks
The Web's Best Collection of CLEAN Ohio State -vs- Michigan Humour
COMPILED AND EDITED BY LYNN PARKS

Did you laugh?
Tell a friend!

The next meeting of the Ohio State and Michigan football teams will be
in Ann Arbor on Saturday, November 21, 2009 and telecast on ABC-TV.

Revised Sunday, November 23, 2008 at 02:17 AM

• BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS

Sign of a true Buckeye Fan and a not-so-subtle warning to his/her spouse —
Fan, as he/she sits in front of TV in early September, says to spouse walking into room,
"Hon, football season is about to start. Is there anything you want to say before January?"

• BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS •

You're in your car and coming up fast behind a bicyclist wearing a Michigan sweatshirt.
Should you hit him or swerve to miss him?
Swerve. It might be your bike.

• OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU •

A Michigan football player was almost killed in a horseback riding incident. He fell out of the saddle, caught one foot in a stirrup — and came close to being trampled to death.
Just in the nick of time, the Meijer Store Greeter rushed over and unplugged the horse.

• BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES •

   Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day. There was a graduate from Ohio State, Notre Dame, Penn State and Michigan. Each claimed to be the most loyal fan from his alma mater.
   As they climbed higher and higher, their claims developed into an argument that continued all the way to the top of the mountain. Once there, the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting as he fell to his doom, "This is for the Fighting Irish!"
   Not wanting to be out done, the Penn State grad threw himself off the mountain, screaming, "This is for the Nittany Lions!"
   Seeing this, the OSU grad walked over to the edge and shouted, "This is for the Buckeyes!" — and pushed the Wolverine off the mountain.

• BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS

   A guy in a bar leans over to a guy nearby and says, "Wanna hear a good Michigan joke?"
   The second guy replies, "Well, before you tell a Michigan joke, you might want to know that I'm a Michigan graduate. I'm 6' 7" and weigh 280 pounds. The guy next to me is 6' 4", weighs 225 and he's a Michigan grad. The one next to him is 6' 5", weighs 315 and he's a Michigan grad. Now, do you still want to tell that joke?"
   The first guy says, "Well, heck no — not if I have to explain it three times."

• BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS •

   The Seven Dwarfs are in a cave when the roof collapses.
   Snow White runs to the entrance and yells into the darkness, "Somebody, say something!"
   A distant voice responds, "Michigan will win the BCS Championship!"
   Snow White sighs, "Oh, thank goodness! At least, Dopey is still alive!"

• OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU •

   A family of Michigan football supporters leaves home one fall morning to do some shopping.
   At a sports shop, the son picks up an Ohio State jersey and says to his older sister, "Sis, I've decided to become a Buckeye fan and I'd like this for Christmas."
   His big sister is outraged at this, whacks him on the head and says, "Go talk to mother."
   With the Ohio State jersey in hand, the boy approaches his mother. "Mom, I've decided I'm going to become a Buckeye fan and I'd like this jersey for Christmas."
   His mother is outraged at this, whacks him on the head and says, "Go talk to your father!"
   With the Ohio State Jersey in hand, the boy approaches his father. "Dad, I've decided I'm going to become a Buckeye fan and I'd like this jersey for Christmas."
   His father is outraged at this, whacks him on the head and says, "No son of mine is ever going to be seen in an Ohio State jersey!"
   Later in the day, they're all back in the car and heading home. The father turns to his son and says, "Son, I hope you learned something today."
   The son says, "Yes, Dad, I sure did."
   His father responds, "Good, son, what was it?"
   The son replies, "Well, I've only been an Buckeye fan for a few hours and I already hate you Michigan jerks."

• BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS •

   Did you hear that the University of Michigan Library burned to the ground?
   Sadly, the fire destroyed all five of the books in the library.
   In a related story, it was reported most of the football team members were rushed to the campus psychiatrist, suffering from depression after realizing they hadn't colored in two of the lost books.

• BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS

What does the average U-M student get on his S.A.T.?
Drool.

• BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES •

   It's dusk and darkness is increasing rapidly. Two fishermen are sitting on opposite banks of the Ottawa River, northeast of Toledo. Coincidentally, each one is wearing a sweat shirt from his alma mater. A Michigan grad is fishing on the north side of the river, the Michigan side. An Ohio State grad is fishing on the south side, the Ohio side.
   The Buckeye is reeling in one fish after another after another. The Wolverine isn't catching anything. Each one can see the other. Each is fully aware of the difference in results.
   After a while, the Michigan fisherman can't tolerate the situation anymore. He yells over to the Ohio State guy, "Hey! Just what is it you're doing over there to catch all those fish?"
   The Buckeye responds, laughing to himself, "Well, must be that even the fish know it's better to be over here in Ohio than over there in Michigan."
   Minutes pass. Finally, with extreme reluctance, the frustrated Michigan grad shouts, "How 'bout if I come over there and fish?"
   While none too thrilled with the idea of fishing with a guy from "that school up north," the hospitable Ohio State grad replies, "Okay, buddy, if you must. I'll just shine this flashlight on the water. All you need to do is just step on the beam and walk on over."
   "What are you talking about?" shouts the Michigan grad. "You think I'm stupid? I know what you'll do! I'll get half-way over there and you'll turn off the flashlight!"

• OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU •

Why is ice no longer available at Michigan football games?
The senior who had the recipe finally graduated.

• BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS •

   A Buckeye fan walks into a curio shop in Columbus' Short North. He spots a bronze statue of a rat. It is so lifelike he decides to buy it. He asks, "How much for the bronze rat?"
   "$12 for the rat and $1,000 for the story," is the reply.
   The fan gives the man twelve dollars. "I'll just take the rat. You keep the story."
   As he leaves the store and walks down the street with his new treasure, he notices that a few real rats have crawled out of the alleys and sewers and have begun to follow him. This starts to become a little disconcerting. He begins walking faster. Yet, within a couple blocks, the herd of rats behind him grows to hundreds. They start to squeal. He runs down Goodale towards the Olentangy River, looking around to see that the rats now number in the thousands. They are squealing and chasing after him faster and faster.
   Concern grows into fright. He runs to the edge of the Olentangy and heaves the bronze rat as far out into the river as he can. Amazingly, all the rats follow it into the river — and drown!
   The man walks back to the curio shop.
   "Ah ha," said the owner, "You have come back for the story?"
   "No," said the man, "I came back to see if you have a bronze wolverine."

• BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS

A little boy and his mother were walking through a Michigan cemetery when they came upon a headstone that was inscribed, "Here lies a Michigan graduate and an honest man."
The little boy asked, "Mommy, why did they bury two people in there?"

• BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES •

How do you get a Michigan grad off of your front porch?
Pay him for the pizza.

• OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU •

   Ohio State Football Coach Jim Tressel and Michigan Football Coach Rich Rodriguez are in an airliner, flying to a national coaches meeting. The plane crashes. Both are killed.
   They arrive at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter says, "Come on in guys. I'll have one of our angels show you to your new places."
   Jim is dropped off first and the angel continues on to Rich's assigned location.
   Upon seeing it, Rich fumes, "What's with this? I get this little run-down, leaky shack with broken windows and the paint peeling off the walls and Jim gets the huge mansion with golden gates and OSU flags waving everywhere! I demand a place just like his!"
   The angel, trying to calm Rich down says, "Oh, that's not Jim's place. It's God's."

• BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS •

Ann Arbor's educational station, WDUH-TV ("duh"), reported late Friday that Michigan Football Coach Rich Rodriguez planned to dress only twenty players for Saturday's game with Ohio State.
Rodriguez said the other members of the football team would have to dress themselves..

• BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS

What's the only sign of intelligent life in Ann Arbor, Michigan?

Columbus 187 Miles

• BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES •

   A young man is hired by a supermarket and reports for his first day of work.
   His supervisor greets him with a smile and a welcome handshake. Then, he hands the new employee a broom and says, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store."
   "But, I'm a Michigan graduate," the young man replies, "I even played football there!"
   "Sorry, I didn't know," says the manager. "Here. Give me the broom. I'll show you how."

• OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU •

What do you call a Michigan student with half a brain?
Gifted.

• BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS •

   An Ohio State student, a Michigan student and a Penn State student were sharing a case of beer while vacationing in Iraq, where possession of alcohol is a severe offense.
   Suddenly, an insurgent Iraqi tribe rushed in and captured them. For the more serious crime of being caught consuming the booze, they were told they would be put to death.
   However, with the help of the Penn State student, a Law School candidate, they were able to persuade their captors to spare their lives and substitute some other form of punishment..
   By a stroke of luck, the day was an Iraqi national holiday. The extremely benevolent tribal chieftain declared they could be released after each one received 20 lashes of the whip.
   As they were being preparing for their fate, the leader announced, "It is also my first wife's birthday. She has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whippings."
   The Penn State student, who had consumed the smallest amount, was to be first. He thought for a moment. Then, he said, "Please tie a pillow to my back."
   It was done. Yet, the pillow lasted only 10 lashes before falling apart. When his punishment was complete, the Penn State student was Rodriguezied away, bleeding and crying with pain.
   Having finished an entire fifth by himself, the Michigan student was next. After watching the first whipping scene, smiled and said, "All right! I want two pillows tied to my back."
   Sadly, the two pillows protected him from only 15 lashes before the pillow disintegrated and the whip slashed through to his skin. The Wolverine was sent out crying like a little girl.
   Last up was the Buckeye, for he had finished off the crate of booze. Before he could say anything, the Sheik turned to him and said, "You attend the greatest university in the world. It has the finest football team in America. Your school's alumni has some of the best and most loyal fans in the universe. For this, you may have two wishes!"
   "Thank you, your most royal sheikness," the OSU student replied. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me, not 20 — but 100 lashes."
   With a startled yet admiring smile on his face, the Sheik responded, "Not only are you an honorable man, you are also very brave. If 100 lashes is your wish, then so be it. What is your second wish? What is that to be?"
   "Tie the Michigan student to my back."

• BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS

   Michigan Head Football Coach Rich Rodriguez looks at his star player and says, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed your math course; but, we need you in there. So, I'll ask you a math question to prove you know your math — so you can play."
   The player agrees and the coach asks, "Okay. What is two plus two?"
   The player thinks for a moment. Then, with some uncertainty, answers, "Four?"
   Suddenly, all the other Michigan players leap off the bench and begin screaming, "Aw, come on coach -- give the guy another chance!"

• BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES •

Ann Arbor News Report

   Football practice at the University of Michigan was delayed Monday for two hours. A Michigan offensive lineman, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and noticed a suspicious looking, unknown, white, powdery substance on the practice field.
   Head Football Coach Rich Rodriguez immediately suspended practice and called the FBI.
   After a thorough investigation, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was goal line marking powder.
   Practice resumed after the FBI said it was unlikely Michigan players would encounter the substance again in the near future.

• OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU •

   A man with 50-yard-line tickets for the OSU-Michigan game arrives at the stadium. As he sits down, another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.
   "Nope," the first man replies, "the seat's empty."
   "This is incredible," said the second one. "Who in his right mind would have a seat for a game like this -- the biggest rivalry in college football — and not show up?"
   The first man says, "Actually, the seat belongs to me. It was my wife's. She was always here with me; but, she passed away recently. This is the first time I've been here without her since we were married, since 1953."
   "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's really terrible! But, couldn't you find someone else — a friend, a relative or even a neighbor, to come with you?"
   The first man shakes his head and says, "Nope. I really tried. They're all at the funeral."

••• NOW OPEN ••• THE ONLINE SHOPPING MALL ••• 250+ STORES •••

What are the longest three years of a Michigan football player's life?
His freshman year.

• BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS •

   Little Johnny's third grade class was having a lesson on careers and were discussing the various professions that are available. The teacher asks the kids what their dads do for a living.
   One little girl raises her hand and says, "My daddy is a doctor. He helps sick people get well."
   A little boy raises his hand and says "My daddy is a dentist. He fixes people's teeth."
   A little girl raises her hand, "My daddy is a district attorney. He puts bad people in jail."
   The teacher notices that little Johnny is awfully quiet. So, she asks him what his daddy does for a living. Little Johnny responds, "My daddy works as a dancer in a gay nudie bar and he . . ."
   Shocked, flustered and not wanting that discussion to go any further, the teacher interrupts Johnny and moves on with the lesson.
   Later, during recess, the teacher approaches little Johnny and asks, "Johnny, does your daddy really work as a dancer in a gay nudie bar?"
   Johnny replies, "Actually, he coaches football at Michigan; but, I was ashamed to tell."

• BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS

   Jim Tressel and Rich Rodriguez are walking down the beach talking about their schools' century-old rivalry and their personal new rivalry that started with Jim's taking over as the Buckeye coach.
   Suddenly, Rich trips over something, falls down and almost breaks his leg.
   Upon close inspection, it turns out to be a genie's lamp that tripped him.
   "Who disturbs me?" asks the genie inside.
   Each claims the other did.
   "Regardless, I will grant each of you one wish," announces the emerging genie.
   Tressel invites Rodriguez to go first.
   Rich says, "I want an impenetrable wall built around the state of Michigan so that no more of those Ohio miscreants can ever get in. I want it to tower a hundred feet higher than the highest terrain and as far down into the ground as it is high. I want it sealed completely so that we are finished with those Buckeyes forever and can enjoy our peace."
   The genie grants him his wish and Rich is instantly whisked away to his new paradise.
   As the genie turns to Jim, the OSU coach says, "Now, fill it up with water."

• BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS •

What do you call a pretty girl seen walking around the Michigan campus?
A visitor.

• OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU •

   Two University of Michigan football players are in an off campus bar, really partying it up.
   They are hootin' and hollerin' when the bartender asks them the reason for the celebration.
   The first one breaks into a huge smile and explains that the two of them just finished a jigsaw puzzle -- and that it only took them two months to do it.
   "Two months!?!" exclaims the bartender.
   Beaming with pride, the second Wolverine responds, "Yeah! And the box said 4-6 years!"

• BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES •

Why did the University of Michigan replace its' football stadium grass with Astroturf?
To stop the cheerleaders from grazing between plays.

• BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS

   Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Archangel Michael found him — resting, on the seventh day.
   He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"
   God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds.
   "Look down there, Michael. Look at what I've made."
   Michael looked yet was puzzled. He said, "What is it?"
   "It's a planet," replied God. "I have created life on it. I'm going to call it Earth. It's going to be a place of great balance."
   "Balance?" inquired Michael, uncertain as to the meaning.
   Pointing to different parts of Earth, God explained. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over there, I've placed a continent of white people and over here is a continent of black people."
   God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot while this one will be very cold and covered with ice."
   Impressed by God's work, the Archangel pointed to a small, oddly shaped area of land and asked, "What's that one?"
   "Oh, that's Ohio," God replied, "the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful lakes, rivers, streams and abundant grasslands and forests. The people from Ohio are going to be intelligent and humorous. They will be found traveling all over the world. They'll be extremely good looking, sociable, hardworking and high achieving. They will be known worldwide as diplomats and bearers of peace. They will be admired by all who come in contact with them."
   Michael gasped in wonder and admiration. Then asked, "What about the balance you mentioned? You said there would be great balance."
   God replied, "Just wait 'til you see the horde of loudmouth, ignorant and arrogant jerks I've put just above them in a place called Michigan!"

• BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS •

What did the Michigan graduate say to the Ohio State graduate?
"Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"

• OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU •

Due to increasing product liability litigation resulting from University of Michigan students' behavior following football games, the Michigan Bar Owners Association membership has accepted an FDA order that the following warnings be placed on all beer containers sold to U of M students.

WARNING
The consumption of alcohol may:
(1) cause you to think you can sing.
(2) make you believe you are invisible.
(3) be a major factor in dancing like an idiot.
(4) make you think you are whispering when you are not.
(5) cause you to tell your friends repeatedly that you love them.
(6) make you believe ex-lovers want you to telephone them at four in the morning.
(7) create the illusion you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
(8) make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in your getting your butt kicked.

• BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS •

What do you call football player in Michigan who has talent?
A product of Ohio.

• BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS • BUCK YUCKS

   Michigan Football Coach Rich Rodriguez, upset about his Wolverine's 2006 season losses, decides to study the winning secrets of OSU Football Coach Jim Tressel.
   Rodriguez drives to Columbus and drops in on an OSU practice. He asks Tressel, "How is it you rarely lose? You just keep on winning! Why is your team is so good? What's the secret?"
   Tressel, trying to respond courteously with being helpful, responds by calling quarterback Terrelle Pryor over. He asks him, "Terelle, who's your father's brother's nephew?"
   Smith answers, "Why coach, that's easy. I'm my father's brother's nephew."
   Tressel turns to Rodriguez and says, "That's the secret, Rich — a smart quarterback. Winning is so simple when you have a smart quarterback. You've absolutely got to have one!"
   Confident that he's found what he needs to know, Rodriguez returns to Ann Arbor. At the next workout, he summons his quarterbacks.
   "Hey, guys! Who's your father's brother's nephew?"
   One after another, each looks confused. Finally, one says, "Coach, we'll have to get back to
you on that -- maybe after practice, okay?" The others shake their heads in agreement.
   Rodriguez, while clearly disappointed, goes along with their obvious delaying tactic.
   As the practice progresses, the quarterbacks get together and call over a running back. "Hey, we need to know. Coach asked us a puzzling question, "Who's your father's brother's nephew?"
   The back answers, "Duh! That's pretty simple! It's me!"
   After practice, the quarterbacks catch up with Rodriguez and declare, "Hey, Coach, we have the answer to your question! Our father's brother's nephew is that running back over there!"
   Rodriguez, now very angry with them, says, "No! No! No, you idiots! It's Terrelle Pryor."

• BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES •

What is the most effect method of birth control for Michigan fans?
Their personalities.

• OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU •

   The teacher announces to her first grade class that she is a fan of the Michigan football team. She asks for a show of hands by those who are also Michigan fans.
   Many of the children aren't really sure what 'Michigan fan' means. However, wanting their teacher's approval, their little hands fly into the air.
   There's one exception. A little girl named Amy doesn't go along with the crowd.
   The teacher asks her why she didn't raise her hand.
   "Because I'm not a Michigan fan," she reports.
   "Well," the teacher inquires, "what are you?"
   "I'm an Ohio State Buckeye Fan," Amy replies.
   A little bothered by this, the teacher asks, "And just why are you an Ohio State Fan?"
   "Well, my Daddy's a Buckeye fan. My Mommy's a Buckeye fan. So, I'm a Buckeye fan, too."
   Now the teacher is becoming angry. "Those aren't good reasons, Amy," she insists. "What if your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot? What would you be then?"
   Amy smiles and says, "Then, I'd be a Michigan fan."

• BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS • BRUTUS •

   Three men were scheduled to be executed the same day. One was a Penn State graduate. One was a University of Michigan graduate. One was an Ohio State graduate.
   The Ohio State grad, hooded, was the first to be brought in and placed in front of the firing squad. Just as the squad members were about to fire, he shouted, "Tornado!"
   Suddenly, the guards dropped their rifles from their eyes and scanned the sky for a funnel cloud. Just as quickly, the Buckeye ripped off his hood and escaped by jumping over the wall.
   Waiting nearby and second in line was the Penn State grad. He was confident that he, too, would be able to escape. So, just as the guards were about to fire, he shouted, "Flood!"
   Immediately, the guards dropped their rifles in panic. Just as they did, the Penn State grad ripped off his hood and escaped by jumping over the wall.
   Lastly, it was the Michigan grad's turn. Having seen and heard the other two, using tornado and flood trickery, he was sure that he could also get away if he could just come up with a different kind of disaster. Finally, just as the guards lifted their rifles and took aim, he shouted, "Fire!"

• OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU •

   A recent Ohio State grad moved to Michigan after landing a job with a company there.
   Soon after becoming a Michigan 'citizen,' she began feeling she had betrayed her Ohio roots. She felt embarrassed that she now lived in an apartment with a Michigan address. She also winced every time she had to prove her identity with a Michigan driver's license.
   As the time approached requiring the registration of her vehicle, she got an idea. She decided to 'make things right' by ordering personalized license plates.
   When the plates arrived, she installed them and beamed at her creativity. She was so excited that she called her father to tell him about them. He, too, was a proud Buckeye alumnus.
   "Daddy," she said, "I'm so excited! Today, I got personalized plates for my car -- and they're University of Michigan plates!"
   "What?" he replied, "You have to be joking!"
   "Oh, no. I'm totally serious. I'll e-mail you a photo."
   Her father found it was hard to stop laughing after seeing the picture.

• OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU • OSU •

It is late in the OSU-Michigan game. Michigan has the ball on the OSU three yard line and is behind, 14-10. With only two seconds left, there is just enough time for one more play.
   The Michigan coach calls a timeout.
   As the team is comes to the sideline, the coach looks up to heaven and says, "God, I've been a good, church going man. I've tried to do what's right and I've never asked for anything. But, this is a big game. If I could just get a little guidance, I will be forever grateful."
   The clouds part. The sun shines down on the coach as he hears, "One Right, 39 Pitch, Trap."
   The Wolverine coach can't believe it! God himself sent in a play! It'll work for sure!
   Excitedly, he passes along the play. The timeout ends. The teams rush back onto the field. The coach can barely contain his excitement. They are going to win!
   Play resumes. The ball is snapped. The Michigan quarterback pitches to his fullback.
   Suddenly, for a split second, there's a hole. Just as quickly, the opening is filled by the Buckeye linebacker who tackles the runner just short of the goal line!
   Time expires. The Ohio State players and fans storm the field to celebrate.
   The Michigan coach is in shock. He can't believe the play didn't work! He looks up and cries, "God, why did you call that particular play?"
   God looked down, shrugged and replied, "I really don't know." Slowly, God turned to his right and asks, "Woody, just why was it that we called that play?"

• BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES • BUCKEYES •

THANKS TO BUCK YUCKS CONTRIBUTORS
Jeff Reeb, Laura Lichoff, Lynn Parks, Tony McKay and anonymous others.
Got a Buck Yuck? E-mail it. We'll add you to our contributors list (unless you ask us not to).

Buckeye Candies
MAKES ABOUT SIX DOZEN

2 cups creamy peanut butter
1/4 cup (1/2 stick) butter or margarine, softened
3-1/4 cups powdered sugar
2 cups (12 Oz. package) semi-sweet chocolate morsels
2 tablespoons vegetable shortening

Line cookie sheet with wax paper. Beat peanut butter and butter ormargarine in a large bowl until creamy. Beat in powdered sugar until mixture holds together and is moistened. Shape into 1 inch balls, place on cookie sheet. Freeze for one hour.

Melt combined chocolate morsels and shortening in an uncovered microwaveable bowl on high power for about one minute. Stir. Morsels may retain some of their shape. If needed, microwave for additional 10-15 second intervals until melted.

With a toothpick inserted into each peanut butter ball, dip ball into melted chocolate, leaving a small portion of the peanut butter uncovered to form the eye of the nut. Shake off excess chocolate and scrape off bottom of candy on the side of the bowl. Return each to cookie sheet. Refrigerate until the chocolate is set. Store in a covered container in the refrigerator.

Note: We have not tested this recipe. Please advise as to your results. Thanks! - Lynn

Where in the world are you going to dance tonight?

Click Banner for Global Links for Dancing, Music, Theatre and Related Sites.
Just want dancing and music availabilities in Columbus and Ohio? Click Here!

QUESTION?

COMMENT?

MORONS

BACK TO THE STORY